Wedding Planning While Grieving

Planning your wedding should be a joyful experience, filled with excitement and anticipation. But life can throw curveballs. For some couples, this joyful occasion can be overshadowed by the recent loss of a loved one. If you’re navigating wedding planning while grieving, you’re not alone. If that’s the case, you’re definitely not alone. Many couples find themselves navigating this delicate emotional balance.

A Personal Note

Ten years ago, I experienced this firsthand. My mom was battling ovarian cancer (which if you know anything about… it’s a tough one to beat). She underwent surgery and started chemo. Everything seemed on track – until it wasn’t. About six months in, her health took a sharp turn. She couldn’t keep food down and she was tired all the time.

This all happened just as I got engaged to my college sweetheart, and we were planning our wedding for the following year. Due to her decline, we had to move the wedding up by eight months, giving us only two weeks to scramble! We made countless calls, our vendors were incredibly understanding, and our guests were amazingly supportive.

My mom, with a surge of strength, rallied for the big day. It felt like she had this incredible burst of energy – dancing, chatting, like nothing could hold her back. It was truly the best day.

Thankfully, the new treatment worked wonders, and she bounced back after the wedding, blessing us with almost two more years together (though a tiny part of me admits to being slightly miffed she was still kicking on our original date!).

Sadly, she has since passed away. Life, as always, has taken its turns. I went through a divorce, switched careers, found love again, and even remarried.

This journey has given me a unique perspective on wedding planning – both with a dying parent and with a missing parent by my side.

As a wedding planner, I deeply empathize with couples who’ve lost a loved one.

We work together to create a wedding that honors your loved one while celebrating your new beginning. Let’s talk about some ways to navigate this process…

Acknowledge your grief

Grief is a powerful emotion, and it’s important to acknowledge it during your wedding planning. You’ll likely feel a range of emotions leading up to your wedding, and that’s okay!

Here are some tips:

• Talk it out: Bottling up emotions can be unhealthy. Talk to your partner, a close friend, or a therapist about how you’re feeling.
  
• Take breaks: Wedding planning can be overwhelming, especially while grieving. Don’t be afraid to step away and do something calming if you need a break.

Leading up to my elopement and even leading up to our party, I missed my mom and was upset that she would never meet my husband, Scott, or his parents, and that she wouldn’t get to celebrate with us. I was teary and sad, even though this was a happy occasion.

I remember bursting into tears multiple times the week before the wedding. But acknowledging my feelings and openly talking to the people around me helped so much. Creating space for my grief before the events helped me to truly enjoy them in the moment.

Honour your loved one

There are many ways to incorporate your loved one into your wedding day and keep their memory alive — and they don’t have to be public, unless you want them to be. Here are a few ideas:

• Memorial Table: Set up a dedicated space with photos, cherished objects, or their favorite flowers.
  
• Moment of Silence: Dedicate a quiet moment during the ceremony to acknowledge their absence.
  
• Symbolic Tributes: Wear a piece of their jewelry, carry a handkerchief with their initials, or light a candle in their honor.

Honour others

Wedding days often have moments where parents play ceremonial roles. If a parent is no longer with you, maybe there’s someone else who can step in and fulfill that role in a way that feels meaningful to you. Here are some ideas:

• Walking down the aisle: Traditionally, dads walk their daughters down the aisle. But really, the possibilities are endless! You could choose a grandparent, uncle, sibling, or even walk down the aisle on your own. The most important thing is to select someone close to you who can share this special moment.
  
• Other Roles: There might be other traditional roles in your wedding that a parent would traditionally fill. Perhaps you’d like someone special to give a toast or reading in their place. Consider who would be most honored to participate in these moments — my biggest piece of advice is to pick someone you’re close to.

Tap out / take a breather

Wedding planning can be emotionally draining, especially when you’re dealing with grief. That’s why it’s crucial to allow yourself moments to step away and recharge.

As a wedding planner, I encourage my couples to tap out whenever they need a break.

A simple “Megan, I need a sec” is all it takes, and I’ll whisk them away to a quiet space for a few minutes, no questions asked. Sometimes, all you need is a short pause to clear your head and come back feeling refreshed.

Don’t have a wedding planner?

No problem! Talk to a trusted friend or family member beforehand and let them know it’s okay for you to say “I need a break” during the wedding day. They can be your designated “escape hatch,” ready to take you away for a few minutes if you need to compose yourself.

Remember, this is your wedding day. You get to decide how things unfold.

Lean on your partner, loved ones, and support system throughout the process. Listen to your inner voice — you know how you handle stress best. Do what feels right for you to create a wedding that’s both joyful and a celebration of your love.